wake up & live

flower crown: urban outfitters

top: love culture

cardigan: target

skirt: a’gaci

shoes: forever 21

So a lot can happen in a year. Actually a lot can happen in a month or day or second really. I took these pictures a few months ago and to say some things have changed since then would be an understatement. I’ve turned a lot of things around, almost switched universities, traveled to other countries, moved into a new apartment, and made even more friends than before. The biggest change though has been my state of mind.

Last year (August 2012-May 2013) was the best and hardest year I’ve had. That may sound so laughable seeing as that I was only 20, but I mean it. There may be far worse days ahead, but so far I’ve seen what I consider hard. When I look at these pictures I remember what was going through my head when they were taken. And as I sit here in the same apartment complex I was in last year, I just wish I could go to my old room and remember all of those long nights and hard days that I wanted to end so bad.

I started to lose “mallory” and all of the things I was and wanted, all of my dreams and hopes were put on the back burner because I became so upset. It nearly consumed everything I did. I lost track of my music, blog, friends, everything.

I would wish away days and nights and weeks and months just trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel. And when I finally started to see it, I didn’t think I was ready to chase it. That was when I realized how much I had grown, maybe on my own and when no one was really around watching me, but I still had changed. This sounds so funny to say, but I started to become who I am now because of every single bad day or night that I had. All of the tears that I thought were ruining me were actually making me stronger, and I never would have known that until now.

My time in Europe over the summer was the final touches on the person that I had been all along, just trying to find her. I realized things I never thought about before, I saw people and things I had never experienced before. Now don’t get me wrong, we are always evolving, and in a way we are all lost a little, but there’s a difference in being gracefully lost and sadly depressed. That girl I was looking for wasn’t meant to be depressed and upset, she was meant to be happy and chasing all of these “dreams” she had created for herself. And I finally found her.

So if you made it all the way to the end of this post, you might be able to relate in some way. Maybe you know what I’m talking about or maybe you’ve been in a similar situation. Whatever it is, whenever it is, just remember that you really aren’t the first person to feel this way and you certainly won’t be the last. And of course remember I’m always here.

So, I look at these photos now and see who I was and still am. It’s like I see the beginning stages of what I have become. I will never forget last August-May of this year or who it made me, because I wouldn’t be writing this if it had never happened.

Hope you guys are having a lovely week so far!

p.s. Listen to “Medicine (Luqus Remix)” by Daughter {my favorite song when I was going through all of this and always will be one of my favorites}

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